Wednesday, July 23, 2003
today i was crushed to find out that one of my favorite cats at the shelter had been put down while i was on vacation. his name was christopher and he was about 16, and not much more than a bag of bones. he had been mistreated and malnurished when he came to us and i always said i should take him home and make his last days more comfortable but i never did. now i feel like a massive fuck up for not doing it. he was on loads of medicine and even had an iv drip once a day and i think was just being lazy somewhere in the back of my mind, not wanting to bother with all of that work. i feel so shitty because he was gentle and sweet and i could have given him some comfort and i was just too selfish to do it. he was so weak and frail that when i would pet him i could only hear him purr if i pressed my ear to his chest and listened. he seemed so ancient like he would just go on that way forever and guess i just took it for granted that he would. i remember reading somewhere that to live your life with animals is to garentee heartache, and today i am reminded how true that is. i am really going to miss him.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 11:13 AM
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Monday, July 21, 2003
ok, i just had the strangest phone call.
my benefactor has all sorts of odd friends, which is why i never answer the telephone. this particular odd friend writes terrible lyrics to horrible musicals and likes to keep me on the phone foreever making up rhymes about my name. this isn't so much the strange part. i had forgotten that in addition to his passion for rhyme, he harbours fantasies of dominant women tickling people till "they feel like they are going to die". i had also forgotten that he knew i was a dominatrix at one point and like to get me to talk about my tickling customers. all of this forgetting made me remember why i avoid him on the phone. he called me once and sort of made a few rhymes and skirted the tickling topic and then hung up on me. then he called back and grilled me on the tickling directly. there were strange grunting sounds inbetween questions and i couldnt tell if he was asthmatic or masturbating. either way i did the thing i always do which is answer the questions as obtusely as possible. i know the answers he is looking for, and i give him the opposite. he pursued it doggedly for a few more minutes before giving up and moving on to some rather personal questions about what i liked most about mister L. he didnt mean anything sexual, but it was still personal anyway. he eventually wrapped it up with another rhyme and hung up again.
i knew i shouldnt answer the phone.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 4:33 PM
new mexico was good. everyone loved mister L and he seemed to like them too. the family seemed to think that i had made some major changes also. i fluctuated between being pleased and being irritated by it, mostly i was pleased. afterall, despite all the rebellion i always want their approval. my grandfather wasn't in as bad shape as i expected, he was generally mobile and usually pretty with it mentally. sometimes i even caught him messing with us a little too. he would say something provocative and them get a little smirk. however i also saw him lose his coffee cup when it was literally right in front of his face.
we only spent three days there and the rest in santa fe. i had never realized ther ewas such a large artist community. we wandered the galleries and discovered one artist we both really liked. i will have to save all my pennies to get one of her paintings though. the rest of the time i spent driving mister L to remote places so he could watch birds while read books in the car. my book of choice was porno by irvine welsh, and it was the sequil to trainspotting. i had forgotten how gloriously dark he can be and i found myself completely sucked in, and trying to decipher the slang and scottish dialects.
god, you know what? i just realized that there is no real way to describe a family vacation and have it not be really boring...
posted by Ms_Bunnie 3:43 PM
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