Friday, May 14, 2004

odds and ends

this week:

i rescued a turtle crossing the road.

while driving around on my cat feeding route i saw the police holding their annual target training session. in particular i noticed an amputee dummy i wanted to take a few pics of, so i asked permission and was delighted when they offered to let me photograph the entire training session. they were responding to the new national guidelines for how to handle a columbine type situation. apparently the mistake the colorado police made was to treat the perpetrators with the usual hostage negotiation tactics. since that kind of activity has no interest in negotiating and is only interested in taking out as many bodies as possible they have refined their stance, now it is a take no prisoners kind of thing...so i took a few photos and they were interesting but the real fun started when the team leader asked me if i had ever shot a gun...i haven't and i said so, so he said, "well you are going to today." i said , "woo!" and took up the rifle. i picked off seven targets with ease and now the squad calls me annie oakley. i was a little surprised at the sick buzz i got off of it and i cant wait to be able to do it again, unfortunately the local target range doesn't rent guns so i would have to buy my own...i don't think i am ready for that, but i definitely wouldn't mind popping off a few rounds again someday, it was fun. what was most funny to me though was that as they were handing me the gun they said, "this is totally outside regulations, this never happened." and then as soon as i was firing off my first shots one of the other officers took up my camera and took a few photos...if this is on the DL why are you taking pictures? it is this sort of thing that has gotten our military into a quite a bit of trouble lately...

this week in my town a new gourmet grocery store opened and i am in love...so well and truly deeply in love. it has been open for 2 days and i have been there four times, the host/greeter always says, "are you here AGAIN? how many times can someone shop...?" i just smile and giggle and glide right by. what can i say? i am enamored. no fluorescent lighting, no tacky signs hanging from the ceiling, no elevator music (they were actually playing the smashing pumpkins), everything is displayed cleanly and neatly floor to ceiling, for every product they have they offer an organic alternative, the produce is gorgeous and stacked on pedestals that tower above my head...the prepared food alone is worth the 10 minute drive. today i had fresh mozarella on sliced tomatoes, parmesan pesto pasta with roasted vegetables and sundried tomatoes, and 2 slices of filet mignon. heaven...i am not sure what it is but every time i go in there i get positively giddy. i could easily walk around there for hours, lost, nibbling on peapods...i feel comfortable and happy there and i cant wait to go back tomorrow.

today i had a horrible experience. lauren, katie and i were all cruising along on a local road when we came to a traffic light. right outside our passenger window was a poor squirrel that had just been hit by a car and left for dead. it looked up at us, shuddering and bleeding from the head and without thinking i got out of the car and lifted him off of the road and on to the grass. it is out of the question that i could leave something frightened and dying on the side of a road...i don't even want to tell you what i felt when i placed my hands on him...i stroked him a few times to ease his passing and he died in my hands. the light had long since turned green and the traffic backed up behind us but i didn't care. fuck em. fucking asshole drivers.

poor lauren. she went to go borrow her 15 year old brother video camera for a school project and when she checked the tape she found his home made porn. yuck. horrified, she snapped the viewer closed and has been trying to figure out how to slip the camera back into his room unnoticed. he told me a long time ago he wanted to be a pornstar but i didn't take him so literally...guess i was wrong. to be honest i am sort of impressed with his enterprising attitude, either he is incredibly persuasive or he knows some real slutty chicks at school.

bryan found a bunny quiz for us all to take: http://quizilla.com/users/yourgoodfriend/quizzes/which%20happy%20bunny%20are%20you%3F/

mister L is currently in the throes of ecstasy...and not for the reasons you might think ( get your mind out of the gutter you little dirty bird). we mysteriously lost water in our house last night...so today we call up the pump guy to come and check our well...turns out that i forgot to turn the hose off all the way yesterday after watering the lawn and drained out the water supply. not a big deal really, because if you leave it for a few hours it replenishes itself, but you can bet the mister is really enjoying the opportunity to lord it over me. most of the time i am a self possessed missy-know-it-all around the house, i cant help it, its my job to keep everything running smoothly around here, so when i make a boo boo ( and this was a big boo boo) he cant but help but get a big kick in the pants over it...i am now on the receiving end of much ha ha's, neah neah neah's, and happy just-scored-a-touchdown-in-your-face-endzone style dancing. fucking insufferable, but i am sure i deserve it.

and finally, i would like to congratulate all of the gay couples taking their vows in massachsetts this week. we actually know one of the couples tying the knot and are thrilled for them. i was moved to tears when i read their announcement...no one knows if all of this will be over turned, but to have gotten this far is a step in a direction i don't think any of us thought we would see in our lifetime. personally i think the whole concept of gay/straight/bi is totally outdated, but that another blog entry entirely. i think i have abused you all enough for now...
posted by Ms_Bunnie 7:42 PM
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004

last night friend of mine had a close call with a snapped power line...he asked me to tell the story abut my brush with electricity in the form of lightening, so here it is:



it was the height of summer, about 2 years ago, and the air was all charged. you could tell it had been building up all week, the heat and the tension, it seemed like the sky desperately wanted to storm but was running short on water.

mister L was still in london, and i was standing in my bedroom, on the ground floor looking out over my hill. i stood in the window, chatting on the phone with him, as i did everday, and rested my arms on the sill. suddenly, mid conversation there was a flash and a huge BOOM. i cant think of the words to describe how deep and resonant this BOOM was, but i felt it pass through me with a physical force.

so big and startling that i screamed and then the phone went dead.

my first thought was, "oh my god, mister L just heard me scream and then the line go dead, he must think i have just been murdered!"

so i race around the house like an idiot looking for a phone line that would work, all the land lines were blown and the only one that would work was the portable...so i take it downstairs and call him back. i was sitting down and i noticed i felt REALLY odd, i was just about to tell him i was having chest pains, when i suddenly smelled smoke, so i said that instead.

i get up with the phone, trying to trace the origin of the smell because i know from past experience that unless you are sitting around a camp fire it always means bad things. i walk around my house, leading with my nose and cant find anything so i go outside for a look. i peek around the corner and i see my barn go up in a wall of flames.

i just mutter, "i gotta go..." and hang up on him. i try to dial 911, but the phone decided to go kaput. i fling it on the ground and take off. i dont think i have ever run so fast in my life...all the way down my driveway, which at this point is nothing but ripped up earth and a few massive puddles, all i am wearing is a white slip and bare feet...my first neighbour isnt home, and so i run to the next, banging on the door near hysterical. i must have been a sight, bedraggled in my slip, mud splattered legs and bleeding from the feet...i told them what was happening, partly with words and partly with pantomime, and took off back for the house. i was moving so fast that i was all the way back up my driveway, had rounded up my cats, thrown them in carriers, put them both in the car and moved the car before my neighbour even finished his 911 call...this would be a far more impressive feat if you could see the distance i covered...

the trucks came and i watched them try to douse what had in minutes become a raging fire. nothing left of the barn to save, at this point it was just containment. i called my friends and they came over, everyone on my street were already milling around the cul de sac...it was the first time i had ever even met any of these people. turns out the poor couple whose door i had banged on had just moved in THAT day...what an exciting welcome. we all ended up having an informal block party and i mused that this was not how i had planned on meeting my neighbours.

after the party split up, lauren gave me a valium and we sat on the hill watching the trucks raze what was left of my barn. nothing left but a pile of embers...

now here is the funny part. just THAT morning i was driving around in my car, thinking about that barn, it was filled with nothing but junk, floor to cieling, and i was supposed to spend my summer cleaning it out...it was going to take months of sorting and sifting and throwing shit away, and i really wished the whole thing would just go away. someone must have been listening because only 5 hours later it did.


so theres my story. getting electrocuted through my telephone was no fun, i had horrible chest bruising and lost quite a lot of hair, much of which will never return, but it has a happy ending, i didnt have to clean my barn, some guys came and took away all the debris and built me a brand new shiny clean one. i even used the wreckege to take one of my very favorite photos, the one of me with the white dress and the vacuum cleaner. neat huh? my boss was also kind enough to split some of the insurance money with me to cover any of my stuff that might have been in there and i used it to get lasik and a mac. money well spent on both counts. .
posted by Ms_Bunnie 6:20 AM
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

my dear friend the Librarian has found me a theme song.


http://www.killrockstars.com/bands/deerhoof/audio/GoreInRut.mp3


wicked, i have always needed one of those.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 6:36 AM
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